Looking back at all the painfull things in myife lately, I donot feel so hurt or trumatized at all. Yes it seem so be something I should be happy about , but instead i feel that somehow became masocistic. I dont know this is plessure or what…..
After a long period of medication, I once again feel hollow inside ; I do not feel provoked or have passion in anything anymore. My mind is absent, I could only hope that today could come to an end as soon as possible. Sometime when I tried explaining this to my mother, I would refer to this condition as ‘Plastic’ and ‘Not-Human’. I believe its a bad combination of regular anti-depression and stress, accumulate stress.
These pass week as been rough for me. I collapse many times. I watch my hope deteriorate infront of me. Perhaps this is Karma for being absent minded and judgmental. I tried embracing this idea, but never achieve anything in return. All my values of not putting too much pressure on myself is turning its back on me. As I blame them for my failure. Is this natural to find the cause of your stress?
Looking back at the path I had taken so far, its seem all wrong. Even I have no trust in myself then it’s definitely wrong. I regard everything. I should be in tears right now but something within me is dried up.